Too bad that our culture has become so strange about all things that have to do with babies. Seriously. From conception to birth to raising those… what do we call them? Snot nosed brats, angels, munchkins, kids, monsters etc.
Sex is where it all starts. Sex makes babies. Yup. True story. It really does. But there are two sides to this coin for the most part. There are the people that see sex as a “naughty” thing and it needs leather or porn or dirty talk etc. to make it interesting and “hot” and then there are those that say that they “slept with” someone. Well I don’t know about you but when I am having sex there isn’t a whole lot of sleeping going on! I have no idea where people got the idea for either of these to be honest.
And then there is having the baby. Don’t even get me started on that. Women were made to have babies. Trust me. Really. They [are] were. See those hips spread? Oh yeah. Boobs? They aren’t just cosmetic ladies. I don’t know what the whole boob obsession is about but then again that may be that I have been [cursed] blessed with practically no boobs at all anyway. But even my non-boobs get the job done.
And then comes the baby. I couldn’t even fathom the fact that I would put my baby somewhere else to sleep where I couldn’t see, hear and feel every breath from his tiny little body. What if he stopped breathing? What if he made a squeak? What if he were to get hungry? On top of that I was much to lazy to get out of bed, walk somewhere else to get whatever my baby needed and then get back in bed and try to fall asleep again. Much easier to just roll over and stay half asleep. Yes. I am talking about co-sleeping. Now there are a million studies out there. Just recently there was this interesting article from the UK. But I am not going to go in to that. Science has it’s place really but there is a lot to be said about instinct. Science is about scrubbed clean walls and facts and numbers. When it comes to my baby I am about playing in the sand, getting dirty and fostering attachment.
I [slept] sleep with my son still. Sure he goes to bed in his own bed at first now but for the first 11 months of his life I didn’t sleep through one night period. After that slowly slowly I got a night here and there. I don’t actually remember when I started sleeping [mostly] full nights and now there is the occasional night where he doesn’t come to bed with us. Hardly ever happens and I don’t expect him to leave our bed for quite a while longer. Why? He needs warmth and comfort. He wants to feel me breathe now. I can’t blame him. I don’t like sleeping alone either. Not anymore. I am attached. Attached to my husband. Attached to his smell and how warm he is and how he snores.
I find it funny that so many people speak about co-sleeping like it has something to do with sex. Or like it will interrupt sex. HA. I have a guess that the people that are most worried about it interrupting “private time” with their partner have so little sex anyway that it wouldn’t even matter! I mean not that I am going to take a poll or anything but really…. and aren’t all the books and magazines telling you to find ways to “spice up” your sex life with your partner anyway? Time to get creative folks! I like how suddenly intelligent adults when faced with the “problem” of where and when to have sex when they have a baby in the home are suddenly stumped especially since they are probably the same adults that as teens found plenty of ways to make out with or feel up their BF or GF.
The other thing I can’t figure is why the big push to make kids grow up? Really? They are going to grow up! It doesn’t take long. You don’t even have a baby for long. Just a few months. Aren’t there things in your life that you have just stuck through because it was part of the growing process? You knew it wouldn’t last long but it would affect the rest of your life? Well this one will have an affect on yours and your child’s.
Yes. You can “argue” both sides. But what is the point? In the end I am going to have a secure child who is affectionate and caring. In the end I am going to be a secure mother who is affectionate and caring and has soaked up every last bit of being a mother in every stage of life. My son is going to hug me when I’m older. My son is not going to be afraid of showing me affection. Why? Because I wasn’t afraid to give it to him.
I sleep with my son. The weird thing is that I still have plenty of [good] sex. Go figure.
even when you kick them out they come back in anyway. I find my 8 year-old at the bottom of our bed on a regular basis.
Thanks for writing this, Jasmine! I think you’re the first person who’s written a blog because I asked for one!
So, here are my thoughts. I was raised more in the farber (ferber?) method kind of environment, which suggests that the healthiest thing for babies is to cry themselves to sleep. The argument is that babies have to learn to soothe themselves to sleep, and this will help them sleep independently and not be so dependent on others for their comfort.
I’m a nanny now for three beautiful little girls, and I’ve had the youngest one since she was a week old. The family I work for is more like you, attachment method. I was instructed not to let the baby cry at all. There is a certain amount of impossibility in that suggestion, but I got the message. If the baby wants or needs something, get it to her as fast as possible. Contrary to the farber method predictions, that baby sleeps great on her own, or at least she does during the day when I’m around. There is absolutely no drama associated with putting her down for nap, and she will actually ask (with grunts and pointing) to be put in her crib when she’s tired.
On the other hand, a couple that I’m very close friends with, and who are the parents my husband and I would really like to be when we have kids, used the farber method from day one. Their kids are capable of putting themselves to bed at night, I’ve seen it happen. Those parents are very affectionate with their kids and very comfortable with them, I love the relationship they have with their kids.
I don’t know what method I’ll pick when I’m a parent, or if I’ll end up enacting some kind of hybrid. But it does seem like neither philosophy has a monopoly on good sleeping habits, healthy kids, or happy parents.